“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)
As a student I feel frustrations, especially when I don’t do things the way I scheduled and programmed them. It’s not only me who feels this way, I know. And sometimes due to our hopelessness we tend to do things on our own. We fail to ask God’s timing. We get impatient, frustrated and lose hope. We tend to forget Romans 8:28(And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…) Let me share to you my story before I wrote this article…
December started and the burden in my heart started as well. First Sunday of the month, on our worship service, I cried before the Lord and told Him that I love Him with all that I am. Just like Peter, He asked me if I love Him (John 21: 15-17). I said, “Yes, Lord, with all my heart and soul.” He just said, “Feed my sheep.” I was doubtful if it’s really the Lord until a confirmation came. Our pastor preached John 21:15-17. I cried again before the Lord. After the service, my director saw what I was wearing, it’s a top with a sheep on its side. My counselor said it’s prophetic. Again, I felt nervous. So okay, I made a deal with God. I started asking Him how, when, and where. For days I am shaking Heavens with these questions of mine and I could sense that there’s a bit doubt in my heart. Days and weeks passed, I dropped by at the University Student Government Office of our school; had a chitchat with some I consider acquaintances and later on I asked Kuya Mikee and Ate Kate for dinner. Later did I know that the Lord used that dinner to be a memorable fellowship that answered all the questions I have. The fellowship became my first step on becoming a part of the (Super) Truth On Air familly. But saying “yes” to the offer wasn’t easy. I asked for a bunch of prayers, encountered doubts, and asked God again, how. In short, I am not so sure and I didn’t trust God on this. But I am here now, using everything that I have for my Saviour’s fame!
This is it! I am now going to write. After asking the Lord how, I’m now asking what topic. I was asking the Lord what and asked Ate Kate, too; I was thinking that maybe the Lord will give her the answer. And He did. Hurray! She said, “Write on Christmas on Squatters Area.” “Okay…are you sure? How?,” I replied. Doubt! Doubt! Doubt!
Until the day of my immersion came. I went out and tried to look for a ‘squatting family’. But I saw none! Frustrated and hungry (because I was on fast), instead of looking for them I went to the mall and look for the stuff I want to entertain myself. I was stressed and really about to cry.
It’s now time to go. On my way back to school I prayed like this, “Lord, if I won’t see a family squatting it only means that they should really not be my subject.” Perhaps, I’ve uttered the same prayer for five consecutive times. God can’t even speak to me that moment. Until I saw two kids from afar; they’re dirty, untidy and in one look I know that they haven’t taken a bath for weeks or months. So I got a bit of hope in my heart but I came to realize that I need a sqautting family so that my article would stand. I just took them for granted. But as I continued walking I saw two women with their babies lying on a sack at the sidewalk. Little did I know that these women were the two kids’ moms. So my hope of writing the article is now complete. It’s show time! I am constructing my questions inside my head as I walked towards them.
The usual, I introduced myself and began asking them their background. I found out that they were squatting in that place since August because the monsoon rains brought destruction to their place living them with nothing but each other. I also asked them, “Pano po kayo nabubuhay?” (How do you live?) To my surprise, Ate Pasing answered me, “Naghihintay lang kami ng biyaya. Wala namang imposible sa Taas,” (We’re just waiting for grace. Nothing is impossible with the Almighty, anyway) with a big smile on her face. Her smile made me feel that though their situation is not really good she has overcome hopelessness and frustrations.
My conversation with them goes until it’s time to give them my last question, “Magpapasko na po, ano po ang plano niyo?” (It’s almost Christmas, what’s your plan?) Again, I was overwhemed, “Kung ano lang, may pag-asa naman ‘pag pasko.” (Anything. There’s always hope when it’s Christmas.)
I said good bye and promised that I’ll always pray for them. As I depart from their place Ate Pasing said, “God bless you po.” I walked ten steps away from them and tears began to fall. Their situation is heart breaking as I reapetedly tell the Lord. My heart is really crying before Him because I tend to rant about the material things that I lack, but these people—I never heard any complains from them. I came to realize that there’s a bunch of things to be thankful for.
God made me remember my brothers, too; Kiko and Pong. Kiko goes to school while the two kids I first saw were just on the streets enjoying and loving what they have: Contentment. Pong has milk and my parents has something to give to him when he cries; Ate Shirly is still breast feeding: Enduring. I have a house to give me warmth this season; they have nothing but each other: Sharing.
As I speak to the Lord He said, “Kita mo na, ikaw article lang pinoproblema mo, sila kinabukasan nila.” (See, you’re problem is just your article. Their problem is how would they live for the next days).
The Lord knows our frustrations, our desperations, our cries and our heart aches. I am assuring you that He knows them all well and He’ll never let those things hinder you from being the person that He wants you to be. I am assuring you that He’s using those hopelessness and doubtful moments to make all things work together for good because He loves you.
Seriously, instead of imparting the Lord to these people I just met, I learned from them…big time. Ate Pasing showed me her strong hope and fearless faith in the Lord. I can see in her smile that the hope in her heart comes from the Lord and I know He will reward her.
I am sure that you guys who are reading this are not in the same situation as Ate Pasing and Ate Shirly are currently on. You too, have hardships, but you have a lot of things to be thankful and grateful for.
On this season let us thank the Lord for everything that we have; from the people who loves us and whom we love to gadgets and things He gave. As a pastor once told me, “Count your blessings name them one by one.” Another year will come, let our hope and faith be on Him who molds our life and persona in His likeness.
As we receive new things from the Lord let us love them and be thankful for them. And as we face our giants, let our souls be not weary and frustrated, let there be strongs hopes and fearless faiths in our hearts.
God bless you abundantly!